I was writing on my journal early this morning and asking myself all sorts of deep philosophical question about myself and life. Just like one would go and about reminiscing life now that it has come to the very last day of 2018.
I wrote: “Where I am at now compared to where I want to be or should be?”
I wrote: “What have I achieved in my life this far?”
I wrote: “What do I really want in life?”
I wrote: “What do I really need in life?
I wrote: “What are my resolutions for next year?”
Yeah, that all sorts of question.
Amidst writing, a sudden realisation came through to me, that the one question I should be asking myself is, “How am I doing?”
How am I doing?, is the question often forgotten among all other questions that we think are more important.
So I did ask myself, how am I doing? It took me some time to answer it truthfully and honestly.
I wrote: “I am doing OK. Truthfully and honestly. Just OK.”
Is that it? You’re happy with just OK? You’re satisfied with just being OK?, I can hear the mean girl inside me talking in my head.
Yes, Mean Girl. I am doing just OK and that’s enough.
Because if I said I’m doing great, it would be a great lie to myself. It would be like when someone asks you how are you doing and you quickly say, I’m doing just great!, just to brush them off and move on because you don’t want to talk about how suck your life is.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate or acknowledge all the great things that I have in my life. Nor am I denying or avoiding the negative emotions I’m feeling despite doing OK. As a matter of fact, I choose to feel OK while at the same time acknowledging that there are some aspects in my life that are not so great.
How do I measure myself to be doing OK? After reading “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a Fuck”, I feel the need to re-evaluate my life’s values and the metrics, you see (more about it next time). And having new perspective about life, I know I’m doing OK.
To be frank, it feels amazingly liberating to admit that I’m doing just OK and knowing that I don’t have to be great all the time.
All that I have gone through to this day has humbled me. I don’t have any resolutions for next year. I’m welcoming the New Year with open arms and without expectation of how the future is going to be.
I know for sure I’m beginning the New Year with a new realisation of what I really value in life. And I’ll just go from there.