Dear kind souls,
Today, I’m going to share something rather personal to complete day 8 activity. It is to change the stories, my stories, that I tell myself and others. So, I’m about to tell you two stories; one is a story that I used to tell myself, and the other is the story that I am now telling. I call it “Then” and “Now”. For the record, I’m inspired by a member who shared her story on TUT Love Your Life in 30 Days Facebook page.
This is a picture of my transformation. I was chatting with a dear old friend in India, Sathish, the other day about how far I’ve transformed since we first crossed path each other twelve years ago. Inspired by our conversation, I dug out my old photos and the most current ones, and put them together in order.
The first 3 pictures on top were taken in 2005/6, 2013 and 2015. While the next 2 pictures at the bottom were taken in May and August 2016, and the last one was taken last month.
And the stories begin.
The “Then”: The story was about a small town girl searching for her identity. She hadn’t yet seen the world and knew nothing about what she wanted to do with her life. So, she followed her parents’ steps and what they told her to do. Despite of being a quiet and shy girl, she had million of questions that she was too afraid to ask others about herself, about her family’s belief and about life. Everything was fine back then and she lived an ordinary life so she didn’t bother to seek the answers.
In 2012, her parents got divorced and her world shattered in a blink of eyes. Her not-so-close relationship with her dad became further apart. She blamed herself for what happened, she resented her dad for what he’d done and blamed God for letting it happened to her and her family. She shut herself down, pushed people away and lived in her own dark bubble. Feeling like it was the end of her world, one day she would have driven the car off the road and kill herself if it hadn’t for her mum sitting on the passenger seat.
Seeing what happened to her parents made her a bitter person and distrust other people. She felt insecure and was afraid of getting hurt. So she felt that she could never fall in love and unloved. She had always snarky thoughts about lovey-dovey things.
She lived in her past and continuously worried about her future that at some point, she suffered from depression and anxiety. She constantly had panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. On top of that, she was silently unhappy about her body, yet she seemed unable to make a change about it.
Although things were slowly getting better with her family, she still lived her life aimlessly and hopelessly, not knowing where to go. Until she hit her turning point that changed her life completely.
The “Now”: The girl now turned into who I am. The day when I realised that I have a purpose in this life, it completely changed the way I see myself and my life. For a better word, I found me.
I’m grateful for my past as it is and no longer blaming the situation and holding thoughts about wanting to have a different past. Because I now realise that living in the past wouldn’t change it and and I wouldn’t want to miss what I have in the present moment. Most importantly, I see my past as a stepping stone to where I am right now. It creates a strong foundation in me to stay the course in making my dreams come true. (And how funny is it that my Spotify playlist randomly starts playing Fight Song by Rachel Platten when I’m typing this part?)
Sometime in March last year I decided to make a change about my body. With the help and support from my dear friend Michelle, I started cardio training and clean eating. I’ve lost 10 kilos ever since, getting closer to my goal. I gained confidence and am now happier, healthier and feeling stronger. A couple months after, she introduced me to yoga and meditation, and I got hooked. That’s when I discovered my true potential and how blessed I am for my gifts and talents.
I dream big and strive for it, trusting that the universe has my back. I took a leap of faith and learned to live in the moment. I experience peace and joy, and I’m more than happy to share it with others.
From now on, this is the kind of story I tell myself and others.
Love and Light.